Taking the Leap into Fertility

And so it began. Aged 34 and single, I made the decision to freeze my eggs. It took me a few years to come to this decision and it wasn't easy because it was loaded with all sorts of emotions. I didn't know anyone who had done this and when I began to ask why, I realised just how intricate and complex this journey is. But the silence and taboo surrounding it made no sense to me. This is biology! That's why I launched this blog.

I hope that by speaking out about fertility challenges, then others will too…or at least the journey won’t feel so lonely for me (and for you). By sharing my experience, I aim to provide an honest account of my journey, both practically and emotionally—especially since I wasn't prepared for what lay ahead.

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Losing an ovary.

At 25, I discovered a mass in my left ovary and was referred to a Gynaecology Oncology Consultant for further investigation. It turned out to be a tumor that needed immediate removal. My options were to remove the entire ovary or attempt to preserve part of it. The safest choice was to remove the whole ovary to prevent any risk of spreading tumor cells.

I remember turning to my father and saying, “obviously, we will take the entire ovary out.” It was one of the quickest decisions I ever made. Having lost my mother to Breast Cancer at six, I was all too familiar with cancer's destructive nature. I still had one ovary and was only 25—plenty of time to settle down and have children.

Life had other plans.

Fast forward 9 years, and I was recently single. But I was certain—I wanted a family of my own someday, ideally with a partner. I felt confronted by this every day. Often, I was the only single person at gatherings, family events, or at work. It stung every time someone asked if I had children, was married, or had a partner. The conversation usually ended there, or I'd get a sympathetic comment like “you’re better off anyway!”

Taking ownership!

So, I decided to freeze my eggs—or at least try to. The biggest driver was taking ownership of my life and taming the anxiety of the biological “ticking clock.” This decision wasn't made lightly. Whenever I discussed the age-fertility correlation with friends and family, I was either told to “relax…you’ve loads of time” (not helpful!) or to freeze my eggs. But, up until this point, I wasn't emotionally or financially ready.

At the time, freezing my eggs felt like declaring that the traditional path of finding a partner and having a child naturally was no longer an option. Not to mention the high cost, lengthy process, and uncertain outcome.

However, the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that freezing my eggs might not be the gloomy end I feared. Maybe it was exactly what I needed to start living my life again and stop watching the goddamn clock—which is exhausting, by the way! So, I got the ball rolling and scheduled my first appointment with the fertility clinic.

Stepping into the arena.

And that was it. After years of hesitation, I took the leap. While I did it to reclaim my life and bring back hope, it didn’t feel very bright at the time. I’d be lying if I said this decision didn’t make me feel sad, lonely, isolated, and ashamed.

I told some family and friends, and while I appreciated their view that this was a positive step and a brave thing to do, it didn’t feel like that to me initially. Nonetheless, as I gave myself time to embrace this decision, I felt more hopeful—almost excited. I was proud that I was no longer just a dreamer; I was a doer. I had stepped into the arena!

Reference to an excerpt of a speech delivered by Theodore Roosevelt in 1910. The excerpt is referred to as The Man in the Arena.

#Fertility #EggFreezing #BiologicalClock